So Much Love It Hurts

Faith, Hope and Love abides, but the greatest of these is Love. 1 Cor 13:13. That's my verse for our grand adventure. This is taking faith to give hope, because of love. Jesus is faith and hope and love. Jesus is all of those great things. I am the opposite of that, but because of grace, He enables me to be like Him. I've given alot of information lately. Alot of explaining, answering questions, and helping people process what's going on. I've been super busy, my mind can't seem to relax, I've been up late at night, and my heart has been pounding more than normal. I haven't had much of an appetite, yet I've had far more energy than normal. My heart has been hurting more now than ever, as if it's going to explode. I've cried more now than I have in a long time. Up until now, I've tried to keep it in. Love is vulnerable. Love is dangerous. There's no security net for you as you give someone else security. There are 153 million orphans worldwide, however, that number does not include children living on the streets or in orphanages. The girls that age out of the system most likely will end up in human trafficking, and the boys that age out of the system most likely will end up as hardened criminals. I wish that was an exaggeration. Most people consider adoption, but only 2% actually will. The two biggest reasons people don't pursue it is because their spouse isn't on board and because of finances. If this was such a joyous time, why is it effecting me physically? Because, those who love much hurt much. I have 3 little ones, and 3 dogs. I just suffered through pregnancy loss a few months ago. Money is tight (like it is for most Americans). Why are we doing this? Isn't it too much? Because I couldn't live with myself for turning a child away. As a whole, the church does a great job declaring it's moral stand on abortion. But somehow that sanctity of human life gets lost in translation when it comes to caring for orphans, even just our own children for that matter. New Horizons for Children's workers interviewed kids from 4 countries, took their pictures, wrote up biographies about them, and sent them out to as many people as possible. Their greatest fear is having to go back and see these kids again, and the kids asking, "Did I get a family?" and she has to tell them, "No, sweetie, not this time." Yes, I understand God's sovereignty. But His heartbeat is for the forsaken. My heart will not rest until those kids are in my home. Why? Because I am one of them. Yes, our stories are different, yes, I have not suffered as much trauma and abuse that they have gone through, but the feelings, the wounds are still the same. There's no way I can describe those feelings unless you've actually experienced it yourself. There's such a bond with adoptees that is hard to express. As a child I despised adoption. I wanted to be with my birth mother. It wasn't because I didn't like my adopted family, it was because of the motherly/daughter bond I had with my birth mom. I was the second out of eight, and only my brother and I were adopted, both to different families. I spent most of my growing up asking God why He separated me from them. My brother wasn't told that he was adopted, and one of my hardest days as a child was visiting him, knowing I was his sister, but he had no idea who I was. I prayed fiercely for my brother to know I was his sister. Then finally, when we were teenagers, his dad finally told him, and he said I was the reason he chose to. My older sister and I have an incredible deep sisterly bond, yet we are strangers. I've waited 17 years to be able to have her back in my life. God is incredibly tender-hearted. I struggled deeply with dark issues, and as a child counseled myself using biblical principles to put a band-aid on my mess. It worked. I thought I was healed. It wasn't until I went through the Lord's breaking, that these issues started to surface again years later. The movie October Baby is highly recommended. When that movie was released, there was finally a voice for the adoptee. These issues resurfaced, I was in more pain than before. I didn't have answers anymore, only pain. So much that I finally admitted to myself, It's okay if God doesn't love me, I'll love Him anyway. I truly believed that God loved everyone else, but He had glossed over me. He loved me enough to die, but I wasn't precious to Him like a daughter. Then that one day, I saw His outstretched palm, and realized the cross was because I was precious to Him, He chose me. He wanted me to be His daughter. And in one moment, I was healed. God is with me. I watched my daughter struggle with sensory issues. Daily living was painful for her. I watched her rage, and I was beaten up trying to love her. I watched how in a single moment, Jesus healed her. Yes, she still struggles with some things, but Jesus helps her overcome her fears now. Praise be to God! So back to why are we doing this? Isn't it too much? Am I just seeking the next big thing? It's because Jesus chose me, the forsaken, to love on me. In all of my emotional distress, He came down and touched me. It's because my daughter, who many would have cast aside if she was in the foster care system, has hope that Jesus overcomes any battle. It's because those 4 beautiful dark brown eyes looked at me through a picture and God whispered, "They're waiting for you." Until orphans are cared for, I will have so much love it hurts.

Launched

I've been launched. Launched by the Spirit into the unknown. Launched into deep waters and I can't feel the bottom. Launched but the Spirit is teaching me how to swim. So what have I been launched to? The adoption process. I was adopted as a toddler. It's a part of who I am, extremely near and dear to my heart. My adoption was completely a God thing. I know God intervened on my behalf, picked me up and placed me in a new direction in life, all by being adopted. God stepping down into our lives is beauty and wonder. The best way I know how to say "Thank you" to my parents and to Jesus is by adopting. Adoption has always been a part of my plans, but I had to wait for the open door. As time went on, the calling kept growing. I couldn't deny it, shake it or ignore it. The more complicated pregnancies and pregnancy losses I had, the more I thought pursuing adoption was drawing near. Last year, a friend of mine hosted orphan teenagers sisters from the Ukraine for Christmas, through an orphan hosting agency, New Horizons for Children. I checked into it, but it wasn't time yet. A few weeks ago, I got a message that twin girls from Ukraine needed a place to stay for Christmas. An offer I couldn't refuse. After praying, discussing, Scriptures, and lots of trusting, we decided they could stay with us. Hosting is Not Adoption. Adoption is our future goal, but we aren't quite at that step yet. Hosting takes a good portion of the adoption process out, so if we end up adopting the child we are hosting, the adoption Should be finalized quicker than if we didn't host. And as with adoption, we have to raise funds for hosting. Fundraising is the big step of faith for us. I tried direct sales before, and I am terrible at selling. Ironically, the Spirit put me right into the heat of selling. I have to learn business and fast. As expected in the journey, nothing is finalized until it is. As soon as I started fundraising, I got word that the twins might not be available after all. We went back to where we were before, praying, discussing and trusting. We still believe that God has launched us on this adventure. We are supposed to be fundraising and saving up for the adoption. So we are checking into hosting from China and or possibly the Philippines. Like Abraham, we know God has told us to go on a journey, and like Abraham, we aren't quite sure where we will end up. I've been relatively quiet these past couple weeks, and now you will see what I've been up to- besides getting the house ready too! Follow our adoption adventure on Facebook- Jace & Wren's Adoption Adventure https://www.facebook.com/jaceandwrenadopt Check out my new Etsy shop: Color Motherhood www.etsy.com/shop/ColorMotherhood I sell silicone teething necklaces for mom. They are stylish, fun, and the kids love them. All my kids(ages 1-5)find them very calming and soothing. Makes a great gift! I am also working on selling other craft items. Stay tuned! Love Lindt Chocolate? I do! I am now selling Lindt Chocolate RSVP, taking orders, booking parties and recruiting. What could be better than a chocolate party?! Order some chocolate here www.mylindtchocolatersvp.com/COCOWREN Would rather Donate? Here's where you can: www.gofundme.com/jaceandwrenadopt The blog is also updated. You can now subscribe to the blog and find my links below. Phew! I was extremely nervous about taking on such a large load when my household is already full. But, God is faithful and So incredibly amazing. Coming from a POTS survivor, where I didn't have energy to stand up and walk around the house, I am Loving being so busy taking care of my family and now managing a big undertaking. God has once again stepped down to intervene for me and He is literally carrying me through this. Some have asked what they can do to help. The easiest thing, but so helpful, is going to my links and participating, sharing and inviting your friends. A great way to help even more would be to pass out flyers to local businesses. I want to be respectful of family budgets and don't want to pressure my family and friends to give. These ways are the biggest ways you could help take the pressure off. Pray. Pray for us. Prayer is where the battle is won. Thank you so much! Love you guys! <3